When you get married, you think that it’s forever. But about half of marriages end in divorce. This is often a highly traumatic experience, which can leave you scarred and depressed. If you went through a divorce yourself recently, you know you need to move forward and find the balance in your life as soon as possible.
Here are some great tips that helped Trish Eklund, a divorcee who has successfully found a way to navigate the tricky waters of divorce, co-parenting and remarriage:
It is very tough to go through a divorce, but this doesn’t mean that your whole life just turned into a shipwreck. Don’t spend your time crying and feeling sorry for yourself. That never helps. It might feel soothing to cry at first, but it is easy for severe depression to creep in if you don’t pick yourself up soon. There are important things to deal with and you shouldn’t let life pass you by. Also, this is not an excuse to neglect your children.
Avoid Being Friends With Benefits
Be very sure of your feelings. It’s better to take some alone time to reflect upon the whole situation after the divorce and to see exactly where you are standing instead of getting closer again out of despair and fear of loneliness.
Pay Lots of Attention to Your Children’s Feelings
Sometimes children can get very hurt by the divorce of their parents. Avoid at all costs for them to be exposed to situations that might affect them as this can have highly negative effects on the long term. Never argue with your former spouse when the children are around and spare them of going through the pain of hearing you yell out your differences to one another.
Inform The Right People
Don’t hide the situation from key persons such as your child’s teachers. Discuss with the teacher about what is going on in the family. In this way the teacher will understand the child better and observe any changes in his or her attitude or grades.
Don’t Use The Children As Pawns
Don’t use the child to get revenge against your former partner. This is a terrible mistake that many parents do. They simply end up traumatizing their children for life by training them to hate. Don’t involve a child in your unresolved issues and don’t make him despise the other parent. Don’t badmouth, gossip or make negative comments about your ex. If you have something to say, contact your former spouse. Never tell a child to send messages or try to manipulate him in any way.
Take Good Care of Yourself
Eat properly, get good rest and try to exercise a bit too. It might be tough to do so while you experience such distress, but it’s crucial not to allow the divorce to affect your overall health. Seek professional advice if needed.
Your Pain Is Your Business, Not Your Child’s
Never talk to your child about your personal pain. This is one of the biggest mistakes. It will shatter your child to the core to see how much you suffer and this will leave deep scars. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pick the right person. You might feel more alone than ever. If you really want to let it all out and to talk to someone about what you are going through, talk to a close friend or family member. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing extremely delicate topics with anyone, seek a therapist. You will get professional help to get yourself together as soon as possible.
Keep Yourself Busy
You might have more time off than usual. Spend it with friends, doing activities than you enjoy or discovering new hobbies. This will prevent you from going into self-destructive mode and crying yourself to sleep.
Avoid Introducing Your Children to Your Friend Too Soon
Allow them to understand the situation and to get used to it step by step. Never force a child to accept a stranger as a new parent. This only leads to confusion. Not to mention the fact that you are vulnerable and might be too impulsive when picking a new partner. A second breakup will devastate the child and make him seriously question love, trust and the whole concept of having a family.
Divorce may be the end of your marriage, but it’s the beginning of your new journey. Things will get better.