The day I could no longer look in the mirror is the day that I realized it was time for a change. Instead of looking in the mirror with tears streaming down my face, I decided to make a change. When I say change, I am not just talking about a physical change, I am talking about a mental change as well. In order to become healthy, you have to want it. You have to be willing to make the life changes to get you into that direction. For me, it was not about seeing the pounds decrease on the scale, it was about becoming a healthy individual.
I had to learn to love myself. I had to figure out what exercises work for me. I had to change all the foods that were hurting me and replace them with foods I can benefit from. When people talk about losing weight, they think about taking a miracle pill and dropping pounds, then never having to worry about the weight again. But it does not work like that. The quicker you lose the weight, the faster it will come back.
When I was in my teenage years, I was a tiny. At this time in my life, I weighed 115 pounds. I had a great body, but I couldn’t see it. Instead, when I looked in the mirror I saw someone who was always 20 pounds heavier. When I should have loved my body, I hated it.
Thinking I was overweight, I started cutting down my eating, to maybe once or twice a day and became as active as possible. I was the tiniest I had ever been.
Then I got pregnant.
Finally, I had an excuse to eat. I could eat the foods I’ve always been afraid of eating and not hate myself for it. I gaining a ridiculous amount of weight. Boy, was I really in trouble. I now had to lose that weight plus the baby weight.
Four years and four kids later, my body was in a rough state. I was unable to function like it use to. In addition to the weight issues, I was now battling sever endometriosis. I also suffered from fluid in my uterus, which forced me to use a Essure device. This extra fluid caused me to gain even more weight and swell up as if I was pregnant.
I was battling some issues, that I knew needed fixed before I could work on my body.
I ended up having surgery to remove my Essure, right ovary, and tubes, plus an ablation. When that did not help, my doctor recommended a complete hysterectomy. I was 23 years old at the time. At first, I thought he was crazy, but I soon realized he wasn’t. Faced with the fact that the hysterectomy was my only option to gain control back over my life….I reluctantly took the leap.
I am now 24 years old. I have had 4 children; two were natural labor while the other two were C-section. Since, I had my children only a year a part, it basically ruined my body.
I started wearing clothes that were twice as big as the size I was in, so I felt small. I didn’t dress up or walk around showing off any parts of me. I stayed covered. If I was covered I felt small and I couldn’t see the fat bulging out of my clothes.
I was ashamed, I was in complete hiding. Hiding my body was a way of protecting myself from me. I sunk into such a dark place, that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I’d look in the mirror and only see my demons looking back at me. My flaws were being spilled out all over my body. There was no longer a light in my eyes;
I was broken.
More broken than I have ever been. My heart felt as if an elephant was sitting on it. My soul was lost in the shadows. My mind was scattered in all 50 states. I was sure I could no longer be found…
After suffering and hating myself for so long, one statement snapped me out of depression. I finally woke up.
The woman who shares a child with my husband and I got got into an argument about a co-parenting issue. To make a long story short, she felt as if I was being petty about that issue. In an effort to hurt my feelings, she went on social media and tweeted,
“It’s frustrating always being the bigger person, I mean we all you’re you’re the bigger person physically, but I am talking about mentally.”
She was looking to provoke a negative reaction from me, but I refused to give her that satisfaction. Instead, that day I vowed to myself that a true change was coming. A change that would allow me to find myself and love who I am. A change that would never let anyone ever make that statement to me again.
In hindsight, it amazes me how one phrase out of someone’s mouth can affect you in such a big way. Especially a statement so small. Instead of letting it break me, like she wanted it to, it made me grow. It made me open my eyes and see what was right in front of my face. I was not going to give her the satisfaction of knocking me down. Instead I jumped on the horse and now I feel taller than ever.
Losing weight, is not a hobby; it is a forever change. I took this change a day at a time. First I would create meal plans that worked for me, such as (boiled chicken, brown rice, and veggies). Next, I created workouts that would allow me to get the proper cardio and weight training, such as ; Dance with Jessica videos and basic home workouts. Then, I started cutting out all of the bad in my life and adding more good. Saying goodbye to sugar, coffee, and soda, then welcoming fruits, vegetables, and water. When the habits started to change, so did my body. The weight was falling off and I was getting my confidence back. I was feeling good about myself. I was starting to see beauty on the outside again. In under a year I lost 40 pounds. I may not be where I want to be right now with my weight because my body is still under construction, but every day I get one step closer to my long term goal.
Weight loss, does not happen overnight. One should not get discouraged because they are not seeing the results they long for. Weight loss takes time, patience, and dedication. You have to be willing to vow to yourself and keep those vows as if they were vows spoke at a wedding. If there is a will, then there is a way. Just put one foot in front of the next, eventually you will reach your destination. Do not let the bumps in the road hold you back, instead push over them, you will feel ten times stronger. The end results of hard work truly do pay off.
Look at me. I am a 24 year old mother, with four kids that I have carried. I have had two C-sections and one complete hysterectomy. I have been battling endometriosis and I am not on hormone therapy, but I am still losing weight. We all have our rough patches, some may be large hills while others may be bumps on the road, but they do not have to conquer us. If I can do it, you can do it. You just have to believe in yourself and fight for what you want.