Finally! I was free from addiction after a 4 year battle with meth. I was finally 2 ½ months clean. I was in that beautiful honeymoon phase of sobriety where the world that you thought you knew so well, suddenly seems brand new with every day overflowing with unseen beauty. It was then that the world I thought I understood and the life that I thought I had all planned out turned upside down.
On January 10th, 2015 at the age of 26 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). After no longer being able to walk or being able take the constant pain and feeling of pins and needles that pulsated through my legs I was admitted into the hospital. I remember sitting in the hospital bed feeling sick to my stomach as the doctor showed me the images from the MRI of my brain that looked like fireworks had gone off.
There were five big lesions, including on my spinal cord. It is at this point I began to question my life and what would be left of it. How would I ever take care of myself, support myself and have any sort of “normal” life, and who would ever love me? It was terrifying and for several weeks I fell into a depression, I couldn’t see the light at the end of what seemed like a very long dark tunnel. But as they say, there is always sun after the rain and a rainbow to point you to better days. And that is exactly what happened. After feeling bad for myself long enough, I decided that that was it and was going to take this disease head on and begin looking at the positives that MS has brought into my life.
Believe me, there have been many.
MS has pushed me to be healthier then I have ever been in my life before. After getting diagnosed I completely changed my way of eating to follow a diet that was more in line with MS healing.
- Cutting out processed foods and refined sugars.
- Quitting cigarettes, something I thought would be impossible.
- And most importantly, listening to my body and becoming an advocate for my health as opposed to a by-stander.
What this means is that when I am tired I rest, if I am having a rough day or my symptoms are acting up I take it easy. I read constantly on holistic and homeopathic approaches to treating my disease and have begun to fight back using supplements and vitamins. And what I have found is that MS has made me stronger and healthier than I ever thought possible. I now appreciate every day more because I know that what we have is not guaranteed forever. I give thanks daily for what I am able to do.
I love on my body.
I give praise to how strong it is instead of criticizing and hating like we often do because of how we look. When diagnosed with an incurable disease like MS we have two choices. We can either crawl up into a ball and hide away from the world or we can fight back and use it to our advantage to become the best version of ourselves that we can. We can take our life and our health into our own hands and realize that anything is possible, because we have been created to do amazing things with our lives. And this is exactly how I live my life now. I no longer let science or conventional medicine dictate what is possible for my life and for my healing.
Now I listen to my mind and my body.
I focus on the good in everything and I meditate and visualize that my body is healing itself; always aware that my mind is the most powerful tool I have in life. I now know that a disease of the mind does not mean that your mind is suddenly weak or against you but rather that it is closer to the fight. It is literally on the front lines of your battle and I use mine every second of every day to help bring me healing. My journey with MS has been an amazing one and it is only just beginning, and while there will be more hills to climb and battles to fight, I know that I am strong enough to overcome them all.
I am strong.
I am powerful.
I am not my disease.